Tending to the Web by Lexie Wolf
When I was in third grade at John Marshall Elementary on Long Island, we were given an assignment to develop a relationship with a tree. It was one of the best homework assignments I’ve ever been given. How many homework assignments do you actually remember in your life? I don’t think “develop a relationship” was how it was conveyed to us, but that was the end result. We had to write something in a journal every single day for some period of time about one tree. And out of all that attention and observation and time together, an intimate relationship was formed. I don’t know that I remember all my friends in third grade as well as I remember that tree, that pretty maple tree in the side yard of my home.
Last weekend’s incredible Tantra immersion delved into the art of cultivating relationships. Throughout the weekend, Miguel invoked the image of a mandala or a web, with each of us at the center. We are all at the center of our own world. It’s not ego; it’s just true. We are in relationship with and connected to everything else in existence. There is a web, connecting us all with everything and everyone. We are nature. We are all made of stardust.
Those relationships are undeniably there, but it is our choice which ones we choose to cultivate and tend.
To intentionally cultivate a relationship is to be fully present to the connection and to put a measure of thought, attention, and energy into it. We can tend our connections like a garden—listening, nourishing, relating, and cultivating that interdependence. Not forcing but allowing the connections to unfold and deepen.
Adding layers of flavor and meaning to our experience of this amazing life.
During the plague years, my relationship with my home and the land I live on deepened considerably. I couldn’t believe how incredibly fortunate I was to have such a safe haven in this scary world. So, I performed near-daily rituals of gratitude to my house, the trees, and the land for sheltering me. I began to give my home and land more time, appreciation, presence, and gratitude than ever before. The relationship changed forever.
My connection to the moon changed when I learned to pay attention to her cycles and their meanings. I have a bond with certain plants and flowers I know well, that my mother taught me to grow. And so on. We can have relationships with anything, really. Even all of our “man- made” things originally come from nature. How many of us have relationships with our cars?
We talked a lot about how to develop a relationship with the elements during this past weekend. These rituals of connection and remembrance can be so simple. Thinking about the miracle of our water coming out of the tap and saying “thank you.” Noticing our breath and the air we all – everyone of us on this planet- share. Intentionally putting bare feet to the earth to ground. Lighting a candle to honor the fire that transforms.
When I act as though I am interconnected, I can start to feel it. I remember that I don’t exist in isolation, that I am held in an intricate web of relationships—with people, with the natural world, with something greater than ourselves. And when I feel that, I move through life differently. With more care. With more gratitude. With a sense of belonging and an increased sense of responsibility.
When I fully recognize my place in the web, I recognize the ways my presence, my choices, and my energy ripples outward.
We are not alone. We are in this together, family.
