A Bit More Grace by Lexie Wolf

It’s the beginning of week three of our training, and I am learning to navigate my time here with a bit more grace.

We’ve figured out how to hand wash our always sweaty clothes while showering and I can now pick out my Birkenstocks from among the fifty other pairs.

I can survive hours of sitting on the floor cross-legged and I’m making peace with my achy hips and knees. I give them as much love as I can and thank them for their service.

We have come to understand that the power goes out constantly and that our air conditioner and outlets may or may not work at any given time. Flexibility is key here in all ways.

As I boil water from the kettle for brushing teeth, my mind returns always to the people in Western NC who are still without water. Anandji reminds us often that we must work on our own state of consciousness so that we can be more effective in serving others. 

A few days ago we attended a joyful graduation ceremony for dozens of young people who had gone through job training programs via the Sattva Foundation. I love being part of this compassionate and generous community right now and I can’t wait to return home to the embrace of our sweet studio community.

Bill and I have both moved through the nasty cold at least once that predictably took over most of our class, making the room a sonorous cacophony of honking, blowing noses during our frequent alternate nostril breathing practices. We are encouraged here to transcend the limitations of the body. Sometimes possible, sometimes not! 

I’ve learned and forgotten the names of many of our 50 or so classmates and found a couple of people I connect deeply with. We’re at oldest end of the age range here and I’ve had to work through some feelings around that. I’m in awe of the people who are able to absorb and discuss this material in their second or third language.

We spend about four hours a day on what Bill and I jokingly call the “spinach” (necessary and good for you but not always fun)- learning techniques and how to teach them. I’m totally inspired and excited to level up my teaching. I really hope to be able to offer my students a more impactful experience.

Speaking of spinach, I’m learning to eat the meals offered with a sense of gratitude and reverence. Though they don’t often please my taste buds, they are fresh, organic, vegetarian, Ayurvedic and they make my body feel amazing. It’s a good practice for me to experience food just as nourishment rather than pleasure.

I visit the office for twenty minutes once or twice a day to access the internet. I’m feeling the freedom and joy in being largely unplugged. My screen time habits will be more discerning in the future. We’re reminded here that it is crucial to focus our attention to be effective in our lives. Where our attention goes, our life flows.

I’ve discovered the power of bathing in the river after the transformative morning journeys. Women are required to wear leggings and shirts in the river out of respect for the villagers' customs of modesty, but men can wear anything. For the first week I let my indignation around that get in the way of my enjoying the cool and cleansing water. But that wasn’t hurting anyone but me. I’ve let it go.

Water, earth, fire, air. I put my hands on the ground when a practice takes me uncomfortably far out of my body, cleanse with the incense smoke from the Ganesh altar when the group energy becomes too much, breathe my way through all of it.

I find I most always want to say “yes” when there is an invitation to go deeper or rise to a challenge. I am learning to lovingly push myself when my own ego or laziness becomes an obstacle. We are taught here that the peaceful and loving yogic presence needs to be powered by a warrior spirit, a deep inner strength. This resonates with me a lot.

And I am also learning to discern when something isn’t for me. Anandji reminds us often to not look to our right or our left, but to stay on our own path. Every obstacle in our unique path is an opportunity to learn and evolve. I can’t hear this enough. 

I’m learning to trust in the flow. Learning to trust myself. Hari Om Tat Sat.